When Do You Push Your Kids in Sports, Music, Activities and How Do You Build In The Right Stuff?

Posted on May 30, 2011 by admin

Pitching for the Hooks

Our oldest son is 14 years old and has been playing baseball since he was 5.  He has good physical size and abilities, good coaching, and has been one of the best players in the league.  He will be going to a private High School next year that is known for their baseball program and will have the opportunity to play at a high level, receive excellent coaching and preparation for college or the next level of baseball.  However, he lacks the “fire in the belly” that will be required to compete and succeed at this level.  Do we push him and simply tell him he has worked so hard and is going to play?  Do we let him take a break and try another activity or let him just stay at home?  This situation is all too common for many parents.

The first thing we must recognize is it is not about us.  We must remove our self centered motives from our decisions.  My goal is not to raise a great baseball player so that I can revel in his success, but to raise a great man that follows the truth of Jesus Christ and makes a real difference in the lives of others as he pursues his talents and experiences true joy from living the life that God created him to live.

 Each individual child and each circumstance is unique and there is a no “one size fits all” option that is correct for the development of your child.  Our responsibility as a parent is to build in the right stuff in our kids.  We are to identify character deficiencies that we can seek opportunities to work on with our children.  Academics, sports, scouts, and other of life’s activities and experiences provide a great platform for teaching and coaching these character traits into our kids.  These teaching moments are not observed from a far and delivered with authoritative direction, but should be cultivated through quality time together.  It is our privilege to develop character in our kids and that privilege must be earned by investing time in walking through life’s activities together.  Earlier in our sons athletic career he decided to join the cross country team.  Little did he know that he was not built to run and quickly decided he wanted to quit.  This was a great opportunity to teach him that his best was good enough and he needed to finish what he started. I am proud to report that he did not win any races, but he did his best and was pleased to finish what he started.

 We finished the baseball season and have discussed the bigger picture regarding the investment he has made in the sport and the opportunity that he has before him in High School.  He may need a break to realize his freedom and regain a love for the game.  He could still return another year, but will face competition to join the team.  The character trait in this decision may not be directed at him, but watching how we, his parents, react to his decision, passions and desires.  For our son, in this situation, this will be his decision and we will support him in whatever he chooses to pursue. 

 So as you face choices as a parent regarding your individual child and how to build in the right stuff consider the following. 

  1.  Lift up your children in prayer every day
  2. Remove self centered motives from your role in developing character
  3. Identify character traits that need to be developed and look for the life experiences to train and coach
  4. Spend quality time so that you have earned the privilege to build in the right stuff at the right moment.

If you are reading this blog, I can assume that you are a good parent and trying to do your best.  The only thing that I would add is to not “over think” the situation.  Not every situation needs to be elevated by the parent to develop a character trait as many times the best teachers are natural consequences to choice our kids make.

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Always Speak With Grace

Posted on May 22, 2011 by admin

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you willl know how you should respond to each person.

Paul challenges us in Colossians 4:6 to “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt…”.  Much easier said than done.  In most of our interactions, our speech delivers a real time reflection of what is going on in our mind that is strongly influenced by emotions.  James says the tongue can set on fire the course of our life.  Scary!  The work place and the challenges raising three children often puts me in the fire.  It is in these times that speaking with grace requires discipline and it is in these situations that I far too often fail and regret the words that come out.  I have said many things to my boss, my co-workers, and my family that I wish I could reel back in.  The shame and consequences from these poor choices continue to drive me back to Christ who heals and supplies abundant grace.

When Paul refers to speaking with grace as though seasoned with salt, what does he mean?   Salt preserves.  Salt cleans.  Salt enhances the flavor. Salt purifies.  Speaking with grace does not tear another down, but preserves relationships and builds others up.  Speaking with grace softens words and enhances the impact on those we are speaking to.  Speaking in grace does not condemn another or put them on the defensive.  When those you are speaking to are not trying to defend their position or withhold information, truth is revealed.  Paul goes on to say the results of speaking with grace is that we will know how to respond to each person.  When truth is revealed and defenses are down we are in a much better position to know how to respond.

How many times have you walked into a situation that you know an offense has occurred?  Many times I have arrived following a conflict between children leaving one hurt or crying or learn of a situation at work that appears that one employee bears the fault.  Unfortunately for all, I often jump to conclusions early and react in discipline to later learn that I did not know the whole story and may have over reacted or reacted in the wrong way.  There are always two sides to every story.  Every time, when I speak and react in a spirit of grace and show concern for the individuals where I can learn the whole story, I can bring reconciliation or appropriate discipline that builds up my kids or employees.

How do we do this?  Paul answered this in Colossians 3:2 “Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth”.  When we set our mind on things above and live in the saving grace provided by Christ, our minds will be saturated with this amazing grace and save us from ourselves.  So let your speech always be with grace.

p.s.  There is so much rich encouragement for believers in Colossians.  Take the time to read Colossians and savor the wise instruction that, when followed, will richly bless others and draw others to Christ.

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Relationships: The Only Thing That Really Matters

Posted on May 15, 2011 by admin

Ecclesiastes 9:9 "Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun."

This weekend Julie and I briefly stepped out of the rat race to realize that we have been married for 17 years and have a child that will be in high school.  It was a typical Saturday in May and we were all at a swim meet from 7:00 a.m. to 12:30, our daughter had gymastics from 12:00-4:00, and Julie and I hoped to catch a 4:40 movie and dinner to celebrate our anniversary.  Racing to get everyone at their places we arrived at the movie at 4:50 thinking we just missed the previews to find that the movie was sold out.  Thanks to the internet and Blackberry we came up plan “B” and raced to another theatre where we caught a 5:30 show and then dinner at one of our favorite places, Goode Company Seafood. 

Reflecting on how fast 17 years have passed and the fact that our children are quickly growing up we talked about the things we most value in our lives.  We live a very full, exciting, and sometimes challenging life.  Julie and I are in agreement that God’s most valuable gift of life is the relationships we share.  Our life is not about the things we collect, but the memories and moments that we share with those we love.  In today’s world in a city the size of Houston Texas the relationships we enjoy are rare.  God blessed us with grandparents that lived into their mid-90’s, lived nearby, and got to know and love our children.  We have parents that live within a mile and we see many time a week.  My sister, husband, and 3 children also live nearby and our combined 6 children all go to the same K-12 school where they see each other every day.  We have a community of friends that we grew up with and find ourselves 30 year later cheering our kids who now play together as we did on baseball, basketball, and soccer teams. 

Celebrating our anniversary was to celebrate the relationships that God has blessed us with and re-dedicating ourselves to treasure these relationships by intentionally creating memories and planning experiences to share life together.  These do not have to be exotic vacations, but simple events.  This past Friday night my son Ben and I went on a 30 minute expedition to discover the prey of 20 vultures flying over and gathering in the field.  Today, my daughter Summer and I went in the woods to pick dew berries together.  This week my oldest son Drew and I shopped for a coat and tie for his 8th grade dance.  These are the moments that we will treasure and these are the experiences that build life’s greatest relationships.  I am so thankful for my wife of 17 years, our children, our extended family, and the many co-workers and friends that God has blessed us with.  My prayer is that you also will recognize that life is fleeting and it is the relationships that God gives us that are to be most treasured.  Celebrate these special people and be intentional to make the most of the small moments and greater planned events together.

Ecclesiastes 9:9  “Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.”

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Family Activity: How to Teach Your Children to Treasure God’s Word

Posted on May 1, 2011 by admin

Psalm 119:11 "Your Word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against you."

One of our greatest privileges is to introduce and teach our children to treasure God’s word.  We all enjoy a good mystery or lost treasure story.  For centuries people have told stories of buried treasures, lost mines, and sunken treasure ships.  Many books and movies have glamorized and fantasized about the mystery and adventure of finding a lost treasure.  Indiana Jones was the hero of my youth pursuing lost antiquities including the ark of the covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Occasionally someone actually finds a lost treasure that sparks the adventurer in us such as finding King Tutankhamun’s tomb or the find of the Black Swan treasure ship that fuels our dreams and imagination. 

To help illustrate the value of God’s word I thought it would be fun to make up a treasure hunt of my own.  We have a very old and large oak tree that sits by a creek near our home.   The oak tree was often a destination for hikes, rope swings, and tree climbing adventures.  I thought it would be fun to plant a story that there was a legend of a lost treasure that was buried around this tree.  We told a story of a Texan that made off with a load of gold coins from Santa Anna’s army in 1836 around the time of the battle of San Jacinto.  The legend goes that the Texans buried the treasure near an oak tree in this area and it had never been found.  I built up the story for a year or so as we visited this spot and we named the big oak tree the “Treasure Tree” and still call it that to this day.  I purchased an old wooden box from Hobby Lobby and filled it with coins, mardi gras beads, and put a bible on top.  I closed the box and buried it a few paces from the tree.  I put a treasure map in an old clear glass bottle with a cork and buried it along the trail with just a piece of the bottle exposed.  We arranged for a Sunday afternoon walk in the woods where we often look for deer sheds, bones, and other surprises.  As we walked by I pointed out the glass and began to uncover the bottle.  What a thrill to find the bottle contained a treasure map and note of a great treasure saved for centuries for us to find.  The excitement of the possibility that it was a real treasure map was crazy.  We headed back to the house to get a shovel to begin our expedition.  We followed the map to the creek and identified a couple landmarks including the Treasure Tree.  Marked 15 paces due west of the Treasure Tree we began to turn the dirt to see if we could find the treasure.  To the kids amazement the shovel hit a hard object that when exposed could be identified as a wooden box with brass shackles.  A flurry of activity and excitement followed as we pulled the box from the ground and surveyed the prospect for real treasure.  We opened the box to see fake gold coins, mardi gras beads, a note from Dad, and a Bible in the center.   To be honest I received a mixed reaction of wonder and disappointment as they realized the hoax, but thoroughly enjoyed the adventure.  I read a brief note of my love for them and my desire to teach them of the greatest treasure that God has for us.  I included the verse Psalms 119:9 that asks the question “How can a young man keep his way pure?” and in vs. 11 it says “Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You.” You might also want to use the verse in Matthew 13:44 “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” 

It is our privilege to teach our kids to see the treasure we have in God’s word.  Although our lives and daily actions are the way to model and teach our kids to treasure God’s word, this is a fun activity to illustrate and create a memory they will never forget.  You don’t have to wait a year or go to the extent that I did in dreaming up this activity.  You could simply plan an afternoon adventure to a park, friends farm, beach, or other good hiding place that takes a little time and creativity to set up, but will be great fun and teach a great lesson to treasure God’s word.  So, make it a fun adventure and teach your kids how to treasure God’s word in their hearts.  In looking for a photo for this blog, I found a place that may make it easy to set up your next adventure that sells a treasure chest and glass bottle.  http://www.oceangramstore.com/Product_TChestOG.htm

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A Fun Day of Learning and Adventure with Your Kids

Posted on April 23, 2011 by admin

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Looking for something fun to do on a boring day?  For those who have science minded kids an $8 investment in dry ice can provide a full day of fun and learning.  Along the way our kids have found the YouTube channel of Steve Spangler.  Steve has made a great business of conducting simple science experiments that are educational and fun to watch.  YouTube has been an inspiration for lots of fun do-it-yourself toys and experiments.  My kids have learned how to make carbonated ice, make square bubbles, remove egg shells, and build a potato cannon that I have also found quite impressive and, pardon the pun, but a blast to shoot.  Last summer my middle son asked if I could pick up some dry ice.  What followed was a day full of experiments and fun for $8. 

Check out the following video for a few of the samples by Steve Spangler http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aFLYNiHitI    Dry ice is -110 degrees F and can be dangerous so it’s a good excuse to spend the day supevising the experiments, having fun, and building memories with your kids.

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Doctrine of Cessation and Doctrine of Prosperity

Posted on April 17, 2011 by admin

I Corinthians 12:31 “But earnestly desire the greater gifts”

I am meeting with four other men weekly to discuss I Corinthians 12: 31 “But earnestly desire the greater gifts”.  We are seeking to understand that which Paul commands us to eagerly desire the greater gifts.  The spiritual gifts are listed in I Corinthians 12: 1-12 and include the spiritual gifts of wisdom, knowledge, faith, healing, miracles, prophecy, distinguishing of spirits, tongues, and interpretation of tongues.

This week we discussed a sensitive topic that is dividing the Christian church.  On one side we have part of the Christian Church following a doctrine of cessation.  The doctrine of cessation says that the spiritual gifts died with the apostles following the completion of the Canon of scripture. The other side is the doctrine of prosperity or the “health and wealth” gospel followed by millions that teaches God provides health and material prosperity for those He favors.  There are many scriptures that are used to support each side and many arguments for both sides that I am not qualified to unpack, but you can find many articles for both sides.  For further reading see:  A Better Argument for Cessation or Spiritual Gifts and Church History  In the spirit of writing brief blogs, I will share a couple of our comments to serve as food for thought and a conclusion that I hope we all can agree upon as we continue to grow in knowledge and understanding of our God.

Comments from our discussion:

  1. We viewed YouTube videos of church leaders using sermons from other church leaders as examples of false doctrine.  It is a dangerous practice for Pastors and Leaders of the Church to publicly denounce another church leader and brother in Christ.  Not that it should never happen, but we must be very careful.
  2. In many areas of life men take positions on both extremes of the spectrum.  We all seek the truth and have seen evidence of truth at both ends of the spectrum.  How can we deny the cessation of tongues, prophecy, and knowledge when these gifts and others are still evident in others praising God throughout the world?
  3. As fathers of young children we see the bigger picture, allow natural consequences of sin, discipline out of love, and with hold privilege because we have a greater understanding and a higher purpose for our children.  Our children may not understand, but accept our authority when completed in a spirit of consistency and love.  As “children of God” would it not be plausible that God allows us to be pruned or refined in the fire so that we can be used for a greater purpose and not because we do not have the faith to claim it so?

Conclusion:   I recognize that there are many strong opinions on this topic.  In conclusion, I find agreement with the comments of Dr. Ed Young.

  • In the ESSENTIALS (Basic tenants of the Church) there must be Unity
  • In the NON-ESSENTIALS there must be Liberty
  • In ALL THINGS there must be Love.

When we come together, we stand as a light that testifies to God’s greatness, diversity, and love.  Check out Dance Your Shoes off  YouTube video where Second Baptist Church celebrates the King of Glory and the gift of Easter that all Christians share.

It is a privilege and joy to work out and share some of my thoughts each week and to know that many are reading and sharing in this journey.

P.S. Update in 2025. I noticed this article was often accessed and decided to go back and read it.  As an update on my journey, during the last 14 years I see too much evidence in the Scripture and in life to deny the continuation of the gifts of the Spirit and find Sam Storms as a helpful mentor. 

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Teaching About the Birds and the Bees

Posted on April 9, 2011 by admin

Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."

The topic of teaching our kids about sex can be intimidating, but is one of our highest responsibilities as a parent.  I will begin by sharing one of our experiences, but will also include some practical tips that will help equip and guide you in your efforts to instruct and inform your children. 

Just prior to 6th grade we teach the details of God’s design and function of sex to our children.  Summer of 2010 was the summer for my middle child.  Since he was a baby he has been exploring for and catching animals.  We live next to a nature preserve and spend most weekends in the woods hiking, spotting, and trapping animals.  He is an avid reader of animal books and used his Christmas money to purchase the BBC video series Life that has great imagery and video of life on earth.  We have sugar gliders, bunnies, fish and have had possums and other critters along the way.  He has seen and speaks of animals mating and certainly had some understanding so I thought this talk was going to be easy.  I assumed that he already knew and probably just needed me to fill in the blanks or confirm what he knew about human reproduction.  One weekend he wanted to blaze his own trail in the woods and we headed off to explore someplace we had never been.  Ducking, crawling, and weaving through the brush we were fairly deep in the woods when we heard a sharp screech repeating every 3 -5 seconds.  We followed the noise and found a frog captured in the mouth of a snake screeching as he was being devoured.  Ureka!  Another successful trip!  However, my time to bring up the “topic” was soon escaping me so I asked him if he had ever heard of “the birds and the bees”.  He had not and that led me to begin the explanation.  To learn how much he knew I referred to frogs and turtles and asked him how they mated.  He said that they just got close to each other to mate.  When I asked what happens when they get close to each other he had no clue.  Surprised at his innocense I had an open door to fill in the blanks with the frogs and turtles before I translated that to how he came to be.  Fortunately we were still deep in the forest and he had now way to escape the conversation that was now becoming personal.  We got through the details and taught of God’s design, God’s purpose, God’s gift and progressed to the “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” conversation before reaching home.   Be intentional with raising your kids, have a plan, and using life’s experiences to model, lead, and instruct your children. 

We must be reminded that we are not just responsible for raising children, but for raising adults.  It is only natural that at an early age your kids will ask you how babies are made and there will be many opportunities when around pregnant women to begin to explain some of God’s plan for sexuality and reproduction.  The important message here is to build a biblical foundation that God created the family through a sacred realtionship between one man and one woman.  God created this sacred relationship so that we would reproduce and fill the earth.  It is important to Start Early in teaching your children about this gift.  The culture and media celebrates sexuality and promotes their views to our children.  It is our responsibility to teach our children truth and provide an example for them to model.  Billboards, magazines, TV shows, and movies give a natural platform to initiate conversation so that you can use as a teaching moment and make this important subject your kids can talk to you comfortably.  You want to create an atmosphere where you children can feel comfortable talking to you about any subject.  Another important lesson that can be taught is that your body is a temple of the living God.  1Corinthians 3:16 “Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?”  The bible teaches that our bodies are living temples that God’s Holy Spirit resides and as such should care for the physical, spiritual and mental components of our body.  Protect and care for the physical needs of our body with hygiene, rest, and good nutrition.  Nurture the spiritual component through worship, prayer, fellowship and study of God’s word.  Recognize the impact of mental images and teach your children to protect their minds and develop their mental potential.  The apostle Paul teaches us to “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2 

In summary, teaching our children about “the birds in the bees” is a great privilege and responsibility.  The timing for each child will be different and has much to do with their own personality and environment.  Families that have open dialog, older siblings, or have friends and classmates that expose your child to sexual conversation at an earlier age may require you to advance faster.  Have a plan and be intentional as you seek to lead your family in teaching on God’s plan for sex and family.  Remember.

  • Start early
  • Build a biblical foundation
  • Create a comfortable atmosphere to initiate conversation
  • Recognize your body as the Temple of the living God.

For more resources on this topic go to Focus on the Family website  http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/sexuality/teaching_children_healthy_sexuality.aspx

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“If the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, then all your problems are going to look like nails.”

Posted on April 4, 2011 by admin

Have you ever considered your personality style and how it is reflected in your leadership?  There are many personality profile programs, but one of the most popular is the DISC personality profile.  D.I.S.C. refers to four basic personality traits.  These characteristics are a combination of your God-given personality that you are born with and the accumulated training, experience, and environment that have shaped your personality.

  • Dominance – relating to control, power and assertiveness
  • Influence – relating to social situations and communication
  • Steadiness (submission in Marston’s time) – relating to patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness
  • Conscientiousness (or caution, compliance in Marston’s time) – relating to structure and organization

These four dimensions can be grouped in a grid with “D” and “I” sharing the top row and representing extroverted aspects of the personality, and “C” and “S” below representing introverted aspects. “D” and “C” then share the left column and represent task-focused aspects, and “I” and “S” share the right column and represent social aspects.  In this matrix, the vertical dimension represents a factor of “Assertive” or “Passive”, while the horizontal dimension represents “Open” vs. “Guarded”.

  • Dominance: People who score high in the intensity of the “D” styles factor are very active in dealing with problems and challenges, while low “D” scores are people who want to do more research before committing to a decision. High “D” people are described as demanding, forceful, egocentric, strong willed, driving, determined, ambitious, aggressive, and pioneering. Low D scores describe those who are conservative, low keyed, cooperative, calculating, undemanding, cautious, mild, agreeable, modest and peaceful.
  • Influence: People with high “I” scores influence others through talking and activity and tend to be emotional. They are described as convincing, magnetic, political, enthusiastic, persuasive, warm, demonstrative, trusting, and optimistic. Those with low “I” scores influence more by data and facts, and not with feelings. They are described as reflective, factual, calculating, skeptical, logical, suspicious, matter of fact, pessimistic, and critical.
  • Steadiness: People with high “S” styles scores want a steady pace, security, and do not like sudden change. High “S” individuals are calm, relaxed, patient, possessive, predictable, deliberate, stable, consistent, and tend to be unemotional and poker faced. Low “S” intensity scores are those who like change and variety. People with low “S” scores are described as restless, demonstrative, impatient, eager, or even impulsive.
  • Conscientious: People with high “C” styles adhere to rules, regulations, and structure. They like to do quality work and do it right the first time. High “C” people are careful, cautious, exacting, neat, systematic, diplomatic, accurate, and tactful. Those with low “C” scores challenge the rules and want independence and are described as self-willed, stubborn, opinionated, unsystematic, arbitrary, and unconcerned with details.

The most effective leaders have the ability to draw upon each of the personality traits to most effectively appeal to the individual or group.  However many of us are stronger in one area and tend to rely on that personality characteristic to accomplish all of our goals.  It is said “If the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, then all your problems are going to look like nails.”  Out of the womb I was a fairly strong “S”, steady, calm, relaxed, predictable, stable and unemotional.  We all have elements of each characteristic and our environment and training can pull out or develop the other characteristics.  As a salesperson, manager and company President my career has put me in circumstances that required me to develop and use the weaker areas of my personality to effectively work with, influence, lead, and gain agreement with the varying personality profiles of customers, vendors, co-workers, and supervisors.  In my most recent DISC testing I find my strongest areas are now the D. and C. areas of my personality.  To be an effective communicator and leader, it is important to recognize the natural tendency of those you are trying to associate with and try to appeal to their natural personality traits.  If you are working with someone that is a high C, it is probably not a good idea to ask them to take risk or expect them to gladly embrace the change you are so excited about.  Seek to appeal to the personality characteristics that are in their comfort zone and you will find it much easier to gain agreement.  As a parent I have also had to draw on different personality profiles to effectively train, discipline, motivate and lead my children.  Each of my three children have unique and developing blends of these personalities and I need to be sensitive to each child.  I must admit that I have learned from and continue to learn from my many mistakes in both professional and personal areas of leadership.

The study, practice, effective understanding and use of the full range of personality characteristics is a tremendous asset in our personal and professional lives.  It takes a lifetime to nurture and train yourself to recognize these traits and effectively apply the matching style to build rapport, gain confidence, inspire, and motivate others to follow you.  As parents and leaders in our professional and personal lives we are all challenged to inspire, motivate, and lead others to success.  Effective leadership requires a blend of all the personality tools.  So the next time you are seeking to lead, inspire, motivate, or gain agreement with a collegue, prospect, child, or friend consider your audience and all the tools in your toolbox.

DISC is a group of psychological inventories developed by John Geier, and others, and based on the 1928 work of psychologist William Moulton Marstonand the original behavioralist Walter V. Clarke and others. Information sourced from Wikipedia.
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Four Stages in Raising Kids to Be Independent Adults

Posted on March 28, 2011 by admin

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

It is said that we are all 2 bad choices away from personal destruction.  That is pretty frightening when you consider what personal destruction could look like in your life and realize how close we all are.  When I was a kid I remember my mother saying “My job is to teach you right from wrong, your job is to choose right.”  If I could simplify our parenting responsibilities to one thing this probably would be the top of the list.  As parents we are to train our children to grow to be independent adults that consistently make good choices.

If only training our children to make good choices was as easy as just saying so.  Recognizing that raising children is a complex art, I offer the following tips in an effort to give you some high level perspective and encouragement as you navigate through the various personalities, circumstances, family history, and sometimes overwhelming responsibility to raise our children.  So how do we help guide our children to make good choices?

  1. Model good choices.  As parents we must live out good choices in front of our kids.  Simply put, what you get is who you are.  Your kids will look to you as their example and follow you.  It is kinda hard to tell your kids to eat their vegetables if they never see you eating your vegetables.
  2. Instruct and discipline.  When your kids are young, less than 6, they should learn to follow clear instructions and operate within the boundaries that are established by their parents.  This is the time when parents can safely teach their children that there are consequences to bad choices.  Kids want the parents to be in charge and operate better when there is order and consistent boundaries so they know what to expect.  When our kids disobey or make bad choices we use discipline to provide consequences.  Without going into the controversial topic of discipline I will offer a couple suggestions.  First, discipline out of love.  Only apply discipline when they make a conscious choice to disobey or clearly knew they were out of bounds.  In other words, don’t punish them for something they did not know was wrong.  Let the punishment fit the crime.
  3. Be a coach.  As your kids get into grade school and you have established a healthy respect for following the rules, have established expectations and boundaries, and they are beginning to practice good choices you graduate to a coach.  As a coach teaches the athlete to think through the possible scenarios and make good decisions, the parent/coach helps our children think through their options to make good decisions.  There are still consequences to bad choices, some natural consequences and some imposed by the parent.  This is the time where good decisions earn responsibility and privilege and bad decisions earn loss of privilege.  It takes TIME to be a good coach and mentor.
  4. Become a fan.  As you kids leave the nest and are trying to make difficult life choices they still need a coach and also need a fan to encourage them and celebrate their good decisions.  If you played sports in high school you probably remember a coach that you respected, accepted instruction, and accepted consequences when you failed.  After graduation, you begin to transfer your authority to them and become their cheerleader or fan.  Parents are there to celebrate success and encourage kids in their pursuits.  If asked or needed, wise counsel and a listening ear is always available for our kids.

Teaching our children to choose right is the goal we all have as parents.  Children are complex creatures and every individual requires a different technique.  In our family, I have one child that a stern look or stern word can crush their spirit.  On the other hand, I have a child that needs a little stronger approach to get their attention.  Even though each individual child may respond differently based on their personalities I think we can be encouraged by our progress as we travel through these four stages in raising a child to be an independent adult that consistently makes good choices.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

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Praying BIG Prayers with Your Family

Posted on March 18, 2011 by admin

Teach Your Children to Pray

John 14: 13-14 “Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.  If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.”  Luke 11:9 says “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”  Focus On The Family’s Truth Project asks us to ponder the following.  “Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?” Do you?  If you do it should have a profound impact on every aspect of your life and especially how you pray.

Each night when we put our kids to bed I ask them if there is anything we should pray about.  They occasionally come up with someone that they have heard is dealing with cancer or a teacher that is sick, but are not really thinking beyond there immediate sphere of contacts.  As leaders in our families it is our responsibility to broaden their vision to realize the power that we have by bringing our requests to the almighty God.  We have the privilege to teach and inspire them to consider their role in praying for the big things in the world.  This past week Japan suffered the 9.0 earthquake and following sunami.  We have considered and offered sincere prayers for the Japanese people that are at that very moment trapped, lost, and hanging on for life in the cold rubble remaining from the destruction.  As parents we have the opportunity to ignite a vision for participating in the great things that God is doing in the world.

This week I was directed to a resource that I want to share with you.  It is a prayer guide for many parts of the world where you can learn about the demographics, challenges, needs and numbers of unreached people that have yet to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ.  You can see video and join in as others pray for a specific nation.  You can log on daily or sign up where an email can be sent to guide your prayers for world everyday.  Plant seeds that expose the hearts of your children and develop a compassion for the nations. Teach your kids to participate in the great works that God is doing in the world by lifting these up in prayer.  Call on the almighty God and pray BIG prayers  for the world.  Check it out.  www.operationworld.org

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