Parents: The Goal of Our Instruction is Love

Posted on November 6, 2011 by admin

I Timothy 1:5 "the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."

As your Dad or Mom…

I can share with you life, but I cannot live it for you.

I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.

I can give you directions, but I cannot always be there to lead you.

I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.

I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.

I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always decide for you.

I can buy you nice clothes, but I cannot make you lovely inside.

I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.

I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.

I can teach you to be a friend, but I cannot make you one.

I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.

I can teach you to respect, but I cannot force you to honor.

I can advise you about friends, but I cannot choose them for you.

I can teach you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.

I can tell you about the facts of life, but I cannot build your reputation.

I can tell you about drinking and drugs, but I cannot say no for you.

I can tell you about lofty goals, but I cannot achieve them for you.

I can let you work, but I cannot make you responsible.

I can teach you to obey, but I cannot answer for your actions.

I can teach you kindness, but I cannot force you to be gracious.

I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make your morals.

I can love you as my child, but I cannot place you in God’s family.

I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.

I can teach you about Jesus, but I cannot make Him your Savior.

I can show you faith, but I cannot make you trust in Christ.

I can teach you about prayer, but I cannot make you pray.

I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you Eternal Life.

I can, and will, love you…forever.

When we have done our best to give instruction in the lives of our kids or in our workplace and it is time to let them go and make independent choices,  I love the simple assurance of Paul to his disciple Timothy as he goes out into a world of false teaching and confusion.  Paul’s instruction to Timothy simply says that the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.  We teach, model, instruct, correct and send.  Remember the most important thing is love and pray that the Holy Spirit will move to reveal truth.

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Community Service: Learn New Skills, Help Neighbors, Build Character

Posted on October 30, 2011 by admin

Teaching Skills, Serving the Community, Building Character

I received an email from a friend this week looking for a hand with helping a local Houston church in need of repairs to maintain insurance coverage.  I extended the invitation to my family and to those at my company and we had 18 show up Saturday morning.

We invested 4 hours at Johnson Chapel in Northeast Houston and gained a memory for a lifetime.  We created memories of service to the community, a memory of learning about construction and repairs, and a memory of working together.  To be honest none of us were looking forward to getting up early Saturday morning for a service project.  My two sons have little to no construction experience and were anxious about their lack of ability to contribute.  My sons had the opportunity to work shoulder to shoulder with other men and learn to use
tools to pull nails, cut out rotten wood, replace wooden siding, how to use a nail gun, and how to caulk joints.  Tearing out the rotten wood opened up the structure of the building and allowed them to get a first hand view of how to build a building.

Dads, we work hard during the week and find it so easy to pass up service opportunities when an extra hour of sleep is so valuable.  Dads, it is our job to lead the charge to build character into our kids.  Character to get up early in the morning when everything is crying out for more sleep.  Character to say yes to invitations for service so that it is not just a one-time event, but building a pattern and priority of service.  Character to work side by side by other men and learn new skills, and character to work hard and expect nothing in return.

The best way to build the right stuff into your kids is to get out there and do it with them.  When we got home my younger son, Ben, told my wife it was not as bad as he was
expecting and actually enjoyed doing the work and felt valued because he could
fit in the tight spots the men could not get into.  My other son Drew was tasked to take some photos and create a video.  Check it out.  Remember the words of Christ.

Luke 12:48 “…From everyone who has been given much, much will be required…”

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Are You Crazy? Francis Chan Challenges Us to Eternal Thinking

Posted on October 27, 2011 by admin

I enjoy reading books that make you think deeply and question what you really believe.  I am currently reading Francis Chan’s Crazy Love.  I thought I would simply restate some of his words that have challenged me in my busy little world.

If one person “wastes” away his day by spending hours connecting with God, and the other person believes he is too busy or has better things to do than worship the Creator and Sustainer, who is the crazy one? – p 136 Crazy Love

How much of your time is dedicated to pursuing your life and your goals, and how much is focuesed on God’s work and purposes? – p 145 Crazy Love

Joy is something that we have to choose and then work for.  Like the ability to run for an hour, it doesn’t come automatically.  It needs cultivation – p 146 Crazy Love

When I returned from my first trip to Africa, I felt very strongly that we were to sell our house and move into something smaller, in order to give more away.  The feedback I got was along the lines of “It’s not fair to your kids,” “It’s not a prudent financial choice,” and “You are doing it just for show.”  I do not remember a single person who encouraged me to explore it or supported the decision at the time.  We ended up moving into a house half the size of our previous home, and we haven’t regretted it.  My response to the cynics, in the context of eternity, was, am I the crazy one for selling my house?  Or are you for not giving more, serving more, being with your Creator more? – p 136 Crazy Love

Do you want to see God more than you desire security – p 113 Crazy Love

We like finding refuge in what we already have rather than in what we hope God will provide. – p 123 Crazy Love

The critical question for our generation – and for every generation-is this:  If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there? – p 100 Crazy Love quoting one of my most favorite authors John Piper

Chew on these quotes and savor the flavor of the depth of their meaning and seek to comprehend the depth of these quotes and questions.  Does it challenge you?  Does it inspire you?  Does it depress you?  It does that and more for me.

As parents and leaders in our families, businesses, communities and churches I challenge you to always have a book that you are reading to inspire you, to think deeper, to go further, to appreciate and love God more, to know and to appreciate the love God has for you, and to challenge the way we live every moment of every day that God has blessed us with.

Ephesians 3:16 – 19 “that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.” – Amen

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Christians Celebrate the of Feast of Tabernacles

Posted on October 16, 2011 by admin

Leviticus 23:39-43

Did you know that it has always been the desire of God’s heart to dwell in the midst of His people?

As God led the children of Israel out from Egypt into the wilderness where He cared for their every need, He instructed Moses to build Him a Tabernacle where He could live in the middle of their campground.

In later years, He instructed David to build Him a dwelling place in Jerusalem as a house of worship of Him.  David’s son, Solomon, built a glorious Temple where His Divine Presence dwelt in their midst.

About 1000 years later, as the Christmas story tells us in John, the Word became flesh and dwell-ed or tabernacled among us.  Jesus, the Word of God, took on human flesh and lived on earth with His people.  Before Jesus was crucified, resurrected from the dead and ascended into heaven, He told His followers that He would never leave them nor forsake them, but would send His Holy Spirit to live within the heart of every believer.

So, as Christians, we celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles to look back to when God dwelled in the wilderness camp, to when His shekinah glory filled the Temple, and to when He lived in the flesh among us in Jesus.

We celebrate His living within the heart of every believer through the Holy Spirit today, and we look forward to the time when He will come again to set up His kingdom here on earth as our Messiah, our King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

God commanded His people to celebrate 7 feasts during the year.  The word for feast is “mikrah” which means dress rehearsal.  As we celebrate our dress rehearsal tonight, we are giving witness to the joy that is within us, because He is dwelling within us today, and we look forward to His coming again soon.

Guest blogger – Carla Applegate (Mom)

Leviticus 23: 39-43  39 “‘So beginning with the fifteenth day of the seventh month, after you have gathered the crops of the land, celebrate the festival to the LORD for seven days; the first day is a day of sabbath rest, and the eighth day also is a day of sabbath rest. 40 On the first day you are to take branches from luxuriant trees—from palms, willows and other leafy trees—and rejoice before the LORD your God for seven days. 41 Celebrate this as a festival to the LORD for seven days each year. This is to be a lasting ordinance for the generations to come; celebrate it in the seventh month. 42 Live in temporary shelters for seven days: All native-born Israelites are to live in such shelters 43 so your descendants will know that I had the Israelites live in temporary shelters when I brought them out of Egypt. I am the LORD your God.’”

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Intentionally Preparing Your Children and Those You Lead for Difficult Times

Posted on October 8, 2011 by admin

Colt McCoy Rose Bowl Interview

We had the opportunity this week to hear Brad McCoy speak at a charity fund raising dinner.  Brad is the father of the former University of Texas quarterback Colt McCoy who led his team to the national championship Rose Bowl game in 2010.  During the game Colt was injured and unable to return to fulfill his dream of wining the National Championship game.  In the locker room while realizing his injured shoulder was not going to allow him to return to lead his team Colt told his dad that he “had them“.  He knew what they were going to do before they would do it and was on his way to winning the game.  And then it happened, his dream and his ability to lead his team to victory was over.  How do you prepare your son or daughter for these moments?

As a high school football coach and father of 3 boys Brad had trained many young men and watched many parents in their efforts to prepare a smooth path for their children.  He also saw these same children blow up and make tragic choices when circumstances and life presented them with bumps in the path.  Brad and his wife Debra have made it their goal to:

“Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child” – Brad McCoy. 

Brad and Debra were intentional in finding daily teachable moments to prepare their boys for the path that life would bring.  The cumulative result of these teachable moments prepared Colt for this courageous and God glorifying statment in the most difficult and disappointing moment in his life.

In our home life raising our kids or in our business life leading and managing our companies, being intentional and spotting teachable moments to coach your family and co-workers requires discipline.  It requires discipline to prepare your mind to think higher thoughts, see through others eyes, hear through others ears, and have the spirit to speak the right words and wise counsel that the moment requires.  As a mom, dad or manager you must prepare yourself for these moments.  I am writing to suggest a few things to do to put yourself in a position to recognize and take advantage of these teachable moments.

  1. Give yourself some margin  – You must have time in your day to refuel and gain perspective.  This is impossible if you run too hard and have no down time.  Carve out some time daily, weekly, or quarterly as is right for you to step away reflect and recharge.
  2. Be disciplined to fill yourself with knowledge, wisdom and ideas –  Give yourself the advantage of learning from others.  Read books, listen to speakers, go to seminars and fill yourself with the knowledge and wisdom learned from others so that you are prepared and have the tools in the moment.
  3. Spend time with those you wish to develop – You have to earn the right to be heard.  This comes with knowing the life, circumstances and gaining the trust of the person you are developing
  4. Pray – Earnestly seek wisdom and pray that God would open your eyes to be sensitive to the moment.  Pray that you would see with God’s eyes, hear with God’s ears, and be filled with God’s spirit to have the right words to say or when silence and a reassuring hug is best.
  5. Love – In all you do to develop and lead do in love.  When words are not enough or when there are no words to say love will cover all.

It is my prayer that you will lead your family and your organization with love.  In many ways we prepare a smooth path, but we also must be disciplined to prepare ourselves, our families, and our organizations we lead for the rough patches that surely come in our path.

I Thessalonians 4:6 – Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

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Saying Grace in Public Places: Leading Your Family by Doing the Right Thing and Sharing a Powerful Testimony of Faith

Posted on September 26, 2011 by admin
Romans 1:16 “For I am not ashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.”

Since young children often say what they think, they can be great reminders when we as parents stray from our practices.  We have a custom at home of praying prior to our meals to pause to recognize God’s grace as our provider and give thanks for His blessing.  One time we were out with our young children at a restaurant and the wait staff brought our food to the table.  After the food was placed before us I began to eat and all three of our children were quick to notice that a prayer was not said and were not bashful to speak up and remind me that I had forgotten to bless our food.  I admit that when out at a busy restaurant with a client, vendor, or mixed group that I may not share a prayer or pray to myself.  My children were the first to convict me of my double standards by saying “Daddy you forgot to pray”.  I have also been challenged by another Christian businessman and fellow deacon at our church to never have a meal without a proper blessing regardless of the company you are with.  He encouraged me to simply state that it is my custom to bless the food prior to eating and invite them to share in the blessing.  He said only one man has ever declined the invitation and that following the thousands of prayers offered deeper conversations and relationships have formed because of his courage and openness to share his faith.  I was reminded of this again this week as I have been beginning to study the book of Romans with a group of men.  Romans 1:16 says it all.  “For I am not ashamed of
the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.  The good news of Jesus’ death and resurrection to cover our sins and make us right with God is for all men.  I should not be ashamed or bashful to express my thanks to God in a public venue.

Many years have passed since being called out by my children for not praying prior to eating at a public restaurant and we have shared hundreds if not thousands of meals together in public places.  Subway, McDonalds, baseball team parties, the local diner, and occasionally at nice restaurants when sharing a meal together our family always bows our heads to thank God for His provision.  These prayers are brief and do not call attention to ourselves, but they also do not go unnoticed by the wait staff or other patrons.  It doesn’t take much to be a witness and share your testimony by quietly and privately thanking our God for His Grace and His mercy on us.  It is often said that leadership is doing the right thing.  As Christian parents and role models we have a great privilege to lead our family in doing the right thing.  I challenge you regardless of the company you are with to never share a meal with your family without taking a moment to bow your head and express true gratitude for the provision, mercy and saving grace that God has given you.

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Knowing Truth is the Foundation for Teaching Your Family to Make Good Decisions

Posted on September 18, 2011 by admin

Jesus "If you continue in my word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." John 8:31-32

Knowing truth is the foundation upon making good decisions.  However in the world of educated relativity that we live in truth has become accepted as truth interpreted by the wisdom of man.  I believe that God has ordered the world and has made His truth to be universally known.  The apostle Paul tells us Romans 1:18- 23 “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.  For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.  For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened.  Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.”  And in Psalms 19:1 “The heavens are telling of the glory of God; and their expanse is declaring the work of His hands.  Day to day pours forth speech, and night to night reveals knowledge.”

There are others that do not believe in God and professing to be wise distort, deceive, and dilute the truth to fit their needs and make truth appear to be something debatable.  Truth is not up for debate and does not change with society or time.  Our society may not like truth, but that does not make truth less true.  As parents we have the privilege of communicating and living out truth that God has given to us through his Word in the lives of our families.  As leaders in our businesses we have the responsibility for making right decisions governed by God’s truth.  We use truth to recognize lies and we testify to the great wisdom and blessings that are the fruit of trusting in and following the truth.  Paul also says to the church of Colossae in the letter to Colossians 2:8 “See to it that not one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.”

Men and women, parents, and leaders of organizations God has revealed truth to us and this truth does not change.  Standing on this truth, making decisions according to truth, teaching truth, and leading our families, co-workers, and organizations in truth is our great privilege and responsibility.  Do not let your heart and mind be taken captive.  Worship the God who established truth, read His word, sharpen your mind, fellowship with others, and prepare your minds to discern and defend the truth.

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Room Improvements Make Great Dad and Daughter Memories

Posted on September 11, 2011 by admin

Dads and sons have many natural opportunities through sports, outdoors, and hobbies to find opportunities to spend time together.  It is often more difficult to find opportunities for Dads to spend time sharing an activity with their daughters.  Let me give you an idea.  Girls love to make their rooms their little nest or private retreat, but are not that adept at building and heavy lifting.  Helping your daughter re-arrange, decorate or update their rooms is a great opportunity for dads and daughters to spend quality time sharing their vision and working together to make it a reality.

My daughter, Summer, is 10 years old and she has a vision for decorating her own room.  We have been moving furniture, painting, and hanging accessories.  After looking all over for a desk, I found all the furniture to expensive, made of cheap pressboard, and poorly made.  I suggested we find a nice used desk and paint it ourselves.  No it was not the most convenient path, but it has been the most rewarding.

We bought the desk from a friend whose daughter had left for college and hauled it home.  It is a nice solid wood desk with solid wood drawers and very well made.  Summer and I sanded, primed, and painted the desk over the labor day weekend and finished it up the following weekend.  I probably have 10 – 12 hours into the desk and Summer joined me for at least half of the time.  She learned to use the orbital sander and was very patient in applying the primer and paint.  We listened to the radio, talked, and had hours together working on her project.  She recognized and appreciated the effort to do a good job and will have the perfect desk for her new room.  This morning I touched up a few last spots, replaced the hardware, and installed the new drawer pulls she picked out from Pottery Barn.  She was so excited to see the finished product and was not only proud of the work she did, but gave me a big hug as she connected the love I have for her with the time and effort to make it just right.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Our lives are packed full of responsibilities and activities, but simply taking the time to do a project together the old fashioned way is a memory and treasure never forgotten.  I expect she will spend many hours at this desk and it will be a special place for her where she can remember the work she did to restore it, the time we shared together, and the love I have for her.  What projects do you have?

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Learning to Finish What You Start Even When The Project Doesn’t Work Out

Posted on August 28, 2011 by admin

Learning to Finish What You Start

This summer my son wanted to earn some money to purchase video editing software which cost about $300.  I told him that I would match any money he earned so that he could purchase the software.  We found a project to clean the scale from our neighbor’s pool.  The pool has several water features that over spray and mist left large white patches of scale on the wall.  My son bid the project and provided an estimate of $208 to remove the scale.  He used an acid to dissolve the calcium and a wire brush to scrub the
surface.  To our dismay after several hours over 2 -3 days, the surfaces of the pool actually looked worse than when we began the project.  We could not figure out why it looked so bad and did not feel comfortable continuing with the project.  We decided it may be time to bring in a professional pool repair technician to review the project and
offer his input.  My friend Shane who owns Moosehead Pools stopped by and reviewed the work.  He suggested that the surface was not natural stone, but a cast aggregate made to look like stone.  He also thought the chalky white material covering the surface was dirt, pollution and other materials that we released from the surface while cleaning and we should pressure wash the surface to see what we were really dealing with.

 My son was over his head and really would have preferred to back out of the project.  My neighbor and I discussed the situation and recognizing this was as much about teaching a life lesson to my son as it was about fixing the problem thought it would be good to push through the problem and work toward a satisfactory solution.  Knowing this would involve renting pressure washing equipment my neighbor offered to pay additional if we expanded the service from cleaning the scale to include pressure washing of all of the pool surfaces.  I certainly did not want to get this involved in the project, but knew my son needed help and would learn a great lesson if we could overcome the problem.
So off we went to Home Depot to rent a 3,500 psi pressure washer and to our
delight the chalky white residue came off.   However, much of the stone surfaces still had the original white stains remaining.  When we applied acid, there was no reaction confirming that it was not calcium.  So we had removed the calcium, pressure washed
the surfaces, and still had areas that were not going to be acceptable to the customer.  We came back with a pumice stone and wire brush and worked for several more hours seeing some improvement, but still not to all or our satisfaction.

I wish I could say that the project ended with everyone happy, but we came to a natural end where we had invested $150 in equipment rental and supplies, 11 hours of work, removed the calcium, put in many hours of additional scrubbing, but did not get all the white materials from the pool.  My son came back and presented an invoice of $294.99.  Our neighbor again used the opportunity to discuss the project and work on negotiation skills with my son.  It was uncomfortable for him as he was asked to defend the amount of the invoice.  My neighbor suggested that we all agree that the project did not turn out as we all had hoped and offered to split the difference between the original estimate of $210 and the ending invoice of $294.99.  My son promptly accepted which my neighbor pointed out the negotiation was too easy.  At this point my son needed some help so I
jumped in and explained that we felt my son had done what he was asked to do and expanded the project to include the pressure washing.  However, he wanted the customer to feel that it was a fair transaction and said he would accept this compromise if he felt good about it.  We agreed and called the project complete.

Many lessons were learned on this project that my son will take with him into life.

  1. Sometimes projects don’t go as we planned
  2. Keeping the lines of communication open with the customer is always good and especially when things are not meeting expectations
  3. It is OK to stop and ask for help from an expert
  4. Finish what you start even when it is not easy
  5. Be prepared to support your pricing, but make sure that the customer feels
    that they received a fair deal.
  6. Hard work does pay off

I am proud of the way that my son handled the situation and am glad that I got to support him and share in this learning experience.  On the way home, I was sure to tell him that I was proud of him and that I would make up the difference in the negotiated
amount and his quoted amount.  I know he will value his new software and the memory that we created that will last a lifetime.  In closing I am reminded of a saying my dad taught me and his dad taught him.  I guess I have now passed it on to the next generation.

“Once a task once begun, don’tleave it until you’re done.  If the task is great or small do it well or not at all.”

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How Can A Young Man Keep His Way Pure?

Posted on August 21, 2011 by admin

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

As fathers, mothers, and leaders of our family it is our responsibility to train our children to make good choices and know truth.  At Baylor University I pledged a fraternity where each member had a page of information about them that we were to memorize.  It included their hometown, major, fraternity family tree, and anything else that they wanted us to know.  We were constantly quizzed on these pages and had to know every word on every members page.  It so happened that most of the members also listed their favorite Bible verses and I learned more than 100 verses during my pledgeship.  What I found was these verses stuck.  They were at the front of my mind and impacted my thoughts, my decisions, and my actions every day.  Following my pledgeship I wrote my favorite verses into a notebook, added the many new verses that I had learned, and added new verses that I was finding each day that impacted me.  I began reviewing and repeating these to myself each morning so that they stayed in my mind.  Of all the things I learned during my pledgeship, memorizing scripture changed my life and continues to make a difference today.  As a member I had new pledges memorize Psalms 119:9 and verse 11.  Psalms 119:9 says “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to your word.”  Verse 11 says “Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against you.”  As I met with pledges I would encourage them to use this opportunity to allow God’s word to penetrate their minds and change their lives. 

As parents we should model and encourage the same with our children.  There are many programs that your churches offer to help in this area.  I was particularly impressed with the Awana’s programs at our church and was amazed at the number of Bible verses our children knew before they even went to school.  We also had a verse for the day that we could simply read and review with our kids before bed.  As part of our rites of passage along with our families vision, mission and core values, I have our children memorize verses that led to these statements of direction and truth.  These are examples of a few ways that you can help your children to treasure God’s word.  These practices and not just for kids, but are even more important for us.  We need our minds to be saturated in God’s word to encourage, inspire, convict, and guide us in truth as we lead our lives in our businesses, community and families.  We must first attend to and protect our own minds so that we can lead our family. 

How can a young man keep his way pure?  Thy word I have treasured in my heart so that I may not sin against thee. Psalms 119 – 9,11

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