“What you get…is who you are”

Walk a little plainer dad

On September 4, 2007 my father gave me a little poem that was framed and had been in his bathroom for as long as I can remember.  I don’t know if I had ever read the poem until the day he decided to give it to me with the note on the back saying “Passing the torch!”  There is no title or author, but reads as follows. 

Walk a little plainer; dad, 

said a little boy so frail. 

I’m following in your footsteps 

and I don’t want to fail. 

Sometimes your steps are very plain. 

Sometimes they are hard to see. 

So walk a little plainer, dad, 

for you are leading me. 

  

I know that once you walked 

this way, many years ago 

and what you did along the way, 

I’d really like to know. 

For sometimes when I am tempted 

I don’t know what to do. 

So walk a little plainer, dad, 

for I must follow you 

  

Someday when I’m grown up 

you are like I want to be. 

Then I will have a little boy 

who will want to follow me 

and I would want to lead him right, 

and help him to be true 

so walk a little plainer, dad, 

for we must follow you. 

How many know of parents that live to a different standard than they expect their kids to live to and wonder why they turned out just like them?  We all know parents that use foul language and is no surprise to hear “little Johnny” repeat the same.  How can we live to one standard and expect our kids to live to a different standard?  How can we expect our kids to make good choices in the foods they eat, the movies they watch, the internet sites they visit, the language they use if they see us, their parents, making choices that are not consistent with how we are instructing them?  Follow the leader is an elementary game for kids and following the lead of mom and dad is exactly what our children will do.  Fortunately, my father lived and modeled a life that I would hope to follow.  I recognize many of his strengths that come so natural to him and strive to realize those in my own life.  The characteristics that are modeled by parents are naturally picked up by the children.  The saying “the apple does not fall far from the tree” certainly testifies to this truth.  This is also the same for leaders of corporations and organizations.  As researched and presented by Jim Collin’s team at Stanford, the lasting great businesses adapt, evolve and thrive with changing technologies and markets.  The products and services may change, but the core values that represent the character of the organization remain the same.  3M may have started as a mining company, but was really founded on a core ideology and culture of innovation.  The products, services, markets and directions changed over time, but what made 3M consistently outperform the market is a clear understanding and commitment to pursue their core ideology and passion for innovation.   In our family we have established Core Values that provide direction and guidelines that direct the way we seek to relate to the many relationships in life.  My wife and I, as leaders of our family, seek to model these values in our personal decisions and daily actions.  Our kids are sponges watching our every move.  And yes we make mistakes and fail more often in front of those we are most responsible to, but failure when recognized and properly corrected demonstrates Gods grace for us and the reality of the struggle we all have with sin and living a life that seeks to model Christ’s example.  Jesus gave us the perfect model.  We will not be perfect, but taking the time to write down your core values, applying them to your daily decisions, and daily modeling these to your children in your own life will yield great dividends as our little ones follow our lead.  For those of you who do lead their families and find your children are not following in your example I encourage you that “What you get is who you are” is true most of the time, but not absolute.  Stay the course, pray for your kids, and give them time for the Holy Spirit work in their lives and draw them back to the truth.   So, walk a little plainer, dad, for we must follow you.  

I Corinthians 11:1  Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ

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The Dark side of Leadership

Leading your black sheep - Ephesians 6:4

“I have worked so hard to direct my child how to follow the Lord and instruct them in the ways they should go and they seem to go in the exact opposite direction.” – Frustrated Parent

In the opening chapter of Good to Great Families I introduce God’s model for leadership in the family and example that Christ lived out for us that we can apply in our businesses and with our families.  During my work I asked my friend Jim Tomforde, Vice-Chairman Insurance Alliance and outstanding example of leadership and service to his wife Leigh and 2 daughters to comment on leadership styles in the family and I thought his comments on a dark side of leadership to be particularly insightful.  Jim commented: “The dark side of leadership, that is the controlling side.  Leadership is actually working yourself out of a job, sending others out to surpass what you can do.  Far too many, especially in the Church, are all about dictating to others how they should live.  When we do this to our children they resent us, they don’t trust us.  Children don’t want to disappoint us, so they often follow along with our demands, but there will come a time when they know in their hearts that our leadership is really about controlling their behavior because it serves our needs as the parent.   Children need to feel loved for how they are right now not loved for who we wish them to be.  Then they will have the freedom to spread their wings and be who God created them to be (often not whom we, as parents may want or even recognize).” 

Our children are unique gifts from God that we have the awesome responsibility to love, direct, guide, discipline, nurture and encourage.  My 3 kids are all so different.  They have different temperaments, interests, and talents.  They each respond differently to discipline and each need different styles of leadership.  Some want help with their homework and instruction when learning a new skill and others are fiercely independent wanting to learn on their own.  In business our employees and teammates respond differently to instruction and need differing leadership styles to help them achieve the greatest success.  Some employees require daily interaction, detailed instruction and need lots of affirmation where others need space, perform independently and typically respond well to incentives.  In my business and in my family I have made many mistakes trying lead and navigate through the unique personalities, talents and needs of my employees and my family.  Jim is so right.  Be aware of the dark side of leadership.  We must love them for who they are and not who we want them to be.  Even though we have the best intentions in mind we must recognize and adapt to the individual circumstances, personalities and dynamics of a growing and maturing child.  Prayerfully consider each of your children and how you can love, lead and encourage them to develop the gifts, talents and person that God created them to be. 

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

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Bear Hunting with God

Obedience brings Blessings Psalms 128:1

For most of my career I have hunted bear.  Not the furry wild animals with big teeth, but pursuing large new customers for the businesses that I have worked for.  Generally the sales process is long, sometimes multiple years, requiring consistent sales calls occasionally proving ourselves with smaller challenging projects until a contract expires, relationships change, competitive companies stumble, and we are there to step in as we have earned the trust and privilege to serve this customer.  At any one time I may be courting 5 -6 customer relationships and in a good year one or two may fall.  Prior to joining Blackwell Plastics, a merger between Chevron and Phillips resulted in a consolidation of business that resulted in Blackwell Plastics losing the work that represented a very large percentage of their revenues.  In 2002, the plastics industry was in very tough shape with companies failing or leaving to follow the automotive, electronics, and appliance OEMs to Mexico or Asia.  When I told some of my friends that I was considering the plastics molding business I was quickly told that I was crazy.  Manufacturing was a dying industry and plastics manufacturing was the poster child for offshoring.  I had spent considerable amount of time praying and seeking counsel from a close friend that does life coaching and felt God gave me a confident peace to take on the responsibility to rebuild this company.  I imagine when Moses told his friends he was going to return to Egypt and tell the Pharaoh to “let my people go!” they told him he was crazy.  I also imaging that when Joshua told the Israelites his plan to walk around Jericho 7 times and yell loud so that the walls would come down, his friends may have questioned his sanity.  Obedience brings blessings.  Upon joining Blackwell Plastics we organized a sales blitz.  We called over 400 companies and set up more than 100 face to face meetings that generated several opportunities.  I wish I could say it was our great sales expertise, but the circumstances proved it was nothing short of miraculous.  Within 90 days we had five or six good opportunities and every single one of them come through.  I had never seen anything like it in my career and never seen anything like it since.  Obedience brings blessings is a universal life lesson that applies to our businesses, careers and families.  Being obedient requires discipline and faith, but without patient obedience we may miss the blessings that come.

Psalms 128:1 Blessed are all who fear the LORD, who walk in obedience to him.

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Boys and Men

Learning to Shoot at the Oxbow

I had the opportunity to watch a couple episodes of TV show The Undercover Boss where Executives of large companies leave their corner offices and go undercover as entry level trainees to learn about the inner workings of their business and experience the impact of some of their decisions on their operations.  I enjoy business, love to analyze and learn about the personalities and unique operation strategies that make successful businesses.  My kids give me a hard time because I like shows like World’s Greatest Factories.  So I was intrigued by The Undercover Boss, but in the couple episodes that I had the opportunity to watch what stood out to me was the ineptness of the top executives.  How in the world could these guys actually be leading these successful companies?  I watched the episode with the Subway Executive that had never made a sandwich and was completely lost in trying to keep up with the tasks and pace of his Sandwich Artists.  The Norwegian Cruise Executive appeared to be uncomfortable with mechanical labor, absolutely could not dance, and totally fell short on socially engaging the guests as well as his employee trainer. 

 When I was a kid my dad purposely exposed me to many experiences.  He took me hunting and fishing with his friends and customers to teach me how to use a gun and clean a fish.  There were also some occasions where I learned to mix with a tougher crowd.  I remember playing cards with some oilfield roughnecks at a deer camp in south Texas.  The language was rough, the stories were rough, and their behavior was rough.  But, I learned to fit in and even win some money.  My dad encouraged me to try many sports.  I had to go to dance class and dress up for special events.  We went to professional sporting events and we went to a few plays and operas.  He taught me the importance of a nice pair of shoes and a nice belt.  Why did he do this?  He wanted me to have these experiences so that I could be comfortable in many situations and with different people.  In my career, I lead a plastic manufacturing business and I have the privilege to interact with many people and business situations.  In any given week I may attend a high society charity event or more often work side by side with some of America’s greatest craftsman getting our hands greasy.  I may be with a vendor on the golf course or in the woods hunting with a customer.  What I saw in these Executives in Undercover Boss were people that may be gifted in a narrow area, but lacked someone in their life to expose them to a breadth of life experiences.  Our boys need to be exposed to many areas and have the opportunity to choose the area that they can develop their talents.  Our boys need to gain the confidence in themselves and in the circumstances they will find themselves later in life.  Our boys need interaction with other men. Mostly men they can look up to, men who model a Christ like example and can be an inspiration and encouragement to them, but also men that are a little rough around the edges. If you have boys I encourage you to consider the experiences your boy needs to be exposed to and be purposeful in finding opportunities to give them those experiences.  If you are dad or a single mom that is not able or comfortable in some of these areas, find someone in your community, a good Boy Scout troop, or another man in your church that would include your son.

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A Resolution for the New Year

New Years Resolution

Originating from the Nigerian Igbo culture “Ora na azu nwa” means “it takes a village to raise a child.”  In the 50’s our neighbors knew and associated with our grandparents, parents and kids of the community.  Kids and families were cultivated with a broad support net that cared for them and watched over them in the home and in the community.  As America prospered our small towns grew, we chased our careers, left our home towns, communities, and families that knit us together.   Our support nets became distant or non-existant.  Today in our culture there are so many things competing for the heart and minds of our childern.  As parents we are stretched and the village that seeks to raise our kids does not know our family, they do not care for our kids, or share common values.  We need a village to compliment our weaknesses, fill in the gaps, be our eyes and ears, care for us and come around in support of us.  We need a community that cares for us, shares our values and watches our coming and going.  We can resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, or exercise more and these are all good resolutions.  As a mom or dad that seeks to lead and protect the hearts and minds of your kids there is no greater opportunity to lead this year then by resolving to have your family engaged in worship and Bible study every week.  Find a local church where your family can experience authentic worship, be empowered with teaching of biblical truths, apply your talents to serve others, and claim the support net of a village raise your child.  If you are not consistently committed to attending worship and bible study every week I challenge you to make this your new years resolution. 

Happy New Year!

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Rites of Passage – Navigation

Chapel at Camp Redcloud

Navigation milestone

Rite of passage - Summer Navigation

Camp Redcloud- Blessing Summer

Ships Compass

Do you practice any rites of passage for your kids?  A rite of passage is a ritual event that marks a persons progress from one status to another.  We often celebrate rites of passages with ceremonies such as baptisms, confirmations, bar Mitzvah or marriage.  We have incorporated or are planning to celebrate 4 rites of passages with our children.  These include Navigation (age 9), Trust(age 14), Independence(age 18) and Living Stones (at Marriage).  As each of our three children turned 9 we spent time at bedtime reviewing and memorizing our family vision, mission and core values.  These provide direction and boundaries that we seek to use within our family to make daily decisions on how we relate to God, our bodies, others, material things, and each other.  This summer we celebrated our daughter, Summer, at Camp Redcloud in Lake City Colorado.  Summer did not know of any plans.  I told Summer that I had arranged to meet her at 7:00 in the morning at the stables.  I had one of the wranglers prepare to have two horses saddled.  When I arrived, Summer was already there wondering what this was all about.  As we mounted our horses I shared that we were going to celebrate her efforts to memorize and understand our families core values.  We were going on a 20 minute ride to a small chapel that was on the top of a hill where the rest of the family would meet us.  I had planned to read a couple scriptures, but did not have all the details worked out.  As I prayed a blessing on Summer I asked if any of the others wanted to share.  I could not have been more pleased and proud to hear my sons(11) and (13) give a tearful and heartfelt spontaneous blessing on their sister.  We gave Summer a ships compass with an engraved message and verses to remember the event.  Rites of passage are common in every culture in the world, but seem to have been lost in the United States.  It is important to recognize and celebrate the progress of your children.  The cost of these compasses are around $50 and the event does not have to happen on a mountain top in Colorado.  In fact, I simply left Ben’s compass with the engraved note on his pillow one evening where we reviewed our core values each night.  Be intentional with your kids, plan for their progress, recognize their accomplishments, and give them your blessing that only you can do.

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Don’t be a Lone Wolf

Estes Park 2007

I have been blessed to have a close group of men that made a commitment to each other in 1995 to meet once a year to renew our friendships, hold each other accountable and have fun.   Every year since 1995 we have met the last weekend in September in Estes Park.  The first few years everything was “extreme”.  We would hike, rock climb, and go way beyond my comfort zone on a mountain bike.  Following dinner, we would each take turns in the spot light where we would share and be interrogated by the others sometimes up to two hours.  Thankfully, as we mellowed with age we settled into a weekend where we lingered around the breakfast table until 10:00, took shorter hikes and spent more time at the Starbucks.  Each year we rotated where one of the men would lead a discussion topic that would be picked up at breakfast, on hikes, and over coffee.  In the evenings we would take some time to review the last year and discuss how we were doing in with our marriage, family, career, physical and spiritual areas of our lifes.  Direct and tough questions are still on the table particularly if one of us seems to be getting off track.  It is a great time to break away from work, family, activities and the cities where we live.  We generally do not see or communicate much between the meetings, but quickly reconnect the bonds that have been built over the years.  We have seen each other marry, have families, and see our children grow up.  During this time we have all gone through some rough spots and have had each other to call, pray or visit during challenging times.  When I took a job for the wrong reasons and left after a year with a need to get back into a career that was a good fit for me I did not hesitate to call my friend Blake in Aspen Colorado.  I flew to Aspen and he put me up in a 5 star hotel, took the better part of 3 days off from work, and walked me through a book and program entitled Living the life you were meant to live  by Tom Patterson.  After 3 days of exploring my life and covering the hotel room wall with butcher paper I left with a clear path that has led to a great career.  At any time that I need prayer, encouragement or need some advice I am can count on any of these men to be there.  Proverbs 27:17 says “As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another”.  Don’t be a lone wolf.  There will come a day that you need support, you need someone to challenge you and ask you tough questions or  someone to encourage you and pray with you.  Without this support we are subject to making wrong decisions with potentially devastating consequences. 

In my own family I have been working out rites of passage with my kids and developing this as part of my book.  During the last year we discussed inviting our kids as they reach 16 to join us.  In preparation we committed to pray for each others kids specifically and by name so that when it was their turn we could authenticate the experience with the truth that this group of men has been praying for “this” for you for many years.  I can only imagine the impact it would have been to me to join a sacred group of men like this who have known each other for years and have been praying specifically for me.  To be recognized and accepted by this as a fellow man and to be challenged by this group of men to be set apart for God’s work and to live a life that follows the truth of Jesus Christ would be a life changing experience.  To have a close friend and to be a close friend to someone is one of life’s greatest privileges.  If you are like many men that are going it alone STOP.  Find one friend or a group of friends that you can earnestly commit to and to support.   Your life and your family will benefit greatly.

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Camp Applegate – Never bored on summer break

Summer Popsicle Fun

Were you ever bored as a kid during summer break?  Upon returning from work one evening and hearing from my kids that there was nothing to do and that they were bored I came up with “Camp Applegate”.  The neighborhood that we live in has a tennis courts, volleyball courts and a couple lakes we call the duck pond.  We have a pool and basketball goal at our house and have many acres of woods that adjoin our back yard to explore.  If you use a little creativity and list all the options there is no way to be bored.  If your kids are staying at home with a sitter, it is important that you find a sitter that can get into the program.  Our sitter was working for us during the summer between high school and college and could also see this as fun.  In the spirit of full disclosure I don’t know that the program was ever followed as designed, but there was always a list of fun things to do and no one could say “I’m bored, there’s nothing to do”.  Look around your house bring out the board games, toys, and sporting equipment.  Go beyond the idea of simply riding bikes for an activity.  Make is a super mario bike challenge where you describe the obstacle course.  If you have a Wii, design a Wii Sports Family Olympics.  Whatever you do be sure to involve the kids and make the planning of “Camp Your Family” a fun activity that they can look forward to.

Camp Applegate Schedule – Summer 2008

9:00 – 9:30                   Wake up/ Bible Study – Age appropriate devotionals  

9:30 – 10:00                 Breakfast

10:00 – 10:30               Activity 1

10:30 – 11:30               Swim Practice or hang out at the Applegate lagoon

11:30 – 12:00               Lunch

12:00 – 12:45               Activity 2

12:45 – 1:30                 Activity 3

1:30 – 2:00                   Activity 4

2:00 – 3:30                   Rest period / Reading

3:30 – 4:15                   Activity 5

4:15 – 5:00                   Activity 6

*Plan your morning activities as a group and go from one to the next.  Then plan your afternoon activities as a group and go from one to the next……Have fun!!!

 Rainy Day / Indoor Activity Choices

  • Sorry or Zingo
  • Ping Pong
  • Wii Sports
  • Reading
  • Cooking up fun – Everyone likes cookies

 Outdoor Activity Choices

  • Hula Hoop Target Diving
  • Marco Polo
  • Ultimate Ripstick slalom challenge
  • Frisbee Golf (you make up the course)
  • Turbo 4 square in the driveway
  • Lance Berkman is in the yard batting practice
  • Horse or Pig on 12811 Center Court
  • World champion Tennis at the neighborhood clubhouse
  • Super add on seat wars on the Applegate monster tramp
  • Mountain bike the Cheers riding course (Trails in the woods)
  • Deluxe Large Mouth Texas bass tournament in the duck pond
  • Just in case you need more games, skits and relays – See the RED Book(book of activities)
  • Popsicles in paradise (Exchange an activity for popsicles or ice cream sundaes)
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Birthday Letters from Dad

Birthday Letters

Do you want to make a lasting impression on your kids and give them a gift they may treasure for their entire life?  Do you want to find an opportunity to communicate to your kids that you love them and are proud of them?  Do you want to recall great memories that you shared with your kids?  Practice the lost art of writing a hand written letter.  This past year I started writing a letter to each child on their birthdays.  I used the letter as an opportunity to reflect on the past year.  I list some of their accomplishments, the time we spent together and memories that I would want to treasure.  I share with them my feelings of joy, love, pride and appreciation.  Kids need to be secure in their relationship and in their comunication with their parents.  Take the opportunity to build around some of the accomplishments and experiences to tell them that you are proud of them and how you enjoy sharing the life experiences and being with them.  Find real experiences that happened in the prior year that you can point to that build up your kids and encourage them in the characteristics that you admired.  A heart felt personal note will touch the soul of your child and give them something to read, re-read and hold on to for a lifetime.  If your kids are still too young to appreciate the letters go ahead and write them anyway.  Collect them and save them for a special time where you can give the collection as a gift when they will enjoy hearing about their early years and the experiences you shared together.  Others that have practiced this have shared that it is not uncommon to find that these letters become the most treasured gifts that are kept for a lifetime.   Take a few minutes for your childs birthday, buy some nice stationery and see the joy that this simple act brings to their face as the words they read penetrate their heart and encourage their soul.

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Applegate Family Vision, Mission and Core Values

 In 2004 while reviewing my business plan over a Thanksgiving Holiday I asked myself the question:  “Why would I not apply the same principals that work for planning and leading my business to my greatest priority, my family?”  That day, I wrote down the following family vision, mission and core values that we have put into practice and use every day.  Feel free to use these to inspire and apply to your family or accept the challenge to develop, put to writing and apply a personal vision, mission statement and core values for your own family. 

Vision: 

The Applegate’s will be a family that follows the truth of Jesus Christ where people will see a real difference and recognize that it is the love of God that is attractive and lives in us. Eph. 3:14-19, Rom 12:2, I Pet 2:5

 Mission: 

To be a family that recognizes God’s love, realizes His love in our lives, and reflects His love back to God and then to others. I Jn, 4:8, I Jn 4:16-17

 Core Values:

  • Applegate’s will first recognize God as our creator and redeemer.  Applegate’s put our trust and confidence in Him and obey His word as the instruction and authority on how we are to live our lives. Ps 19:7-11, Jn 8:31-32, Jn 15:4-11, Prov. 3:5-6
  •  Applegate’s respect our bodies as temples of the living God and care for the physical, mental and spiritual components of our life.  We have each been given talents that we will use in fullness to bless God. I Cor 6:19-20
  •  Applegate’s consider all others as God’s precious children that He is working to bring closer to Him.  Applegate’s think of others interests ahead of our interests and share the fruits of the spirit that live in us and reflect the love that God has for us. Phil 2:3-5, Gal 5:22-25, John 13:34-35
  •  Applegate’s recognize that God is the provider of all material things and that we are to be grateful for the material things that we have and be good stewards of God’s material blessings as we manage, consume, share and give back to God and others.  Matt 6:25-33, Heb 13:5-6
  •  God chose us to be a family and has given each of us to the other and we are to give special priority to one another.  We will respect the interests and will generously love and support each member of our family.  Jn 15:12, I Cor 13:4-7
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